***Disclaimer: This Post contains links to outside sources***
It turns our that I am not even close to a full surrender to God, at least not as far along as I thought. I have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of learning. I began a marriage devotional a couple of weeks ago and truly have seen a change in mine and my husbands interactions. Awesome!
I have also seen areas of great need of improvement. God is showing me more things about myself. I am sure you have heard if you pray over something or someone like a spouse God will end up showing you things to improve yourself. It is none of your business what he is doing for someone else. That being said, I am being shown that I did not surrender as much as I thought I had. The other day I read The Unveiled Wife by Jennifer Smith and it opened my eyes to the fact that I am not giving God all he deserves. Yes I am changing daily but I have not repented ALL sins to him. I have not sought forgiveness for many things.
I sin daily as we all do. I am also fighting an addiction to cigarettes. I have known that this is something I need to let go of. However, I just have not. My eyes were opened to the fact that I had not attempted forgiveness for this addition nor did I seek God’s help or guidance in the area of addiction. I honestly thought that language was going to be a huge hurdle for me. I had the mouth of a sailor. That has been easy-peasy compared to what I am about to go through.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9 |NIV|
I see God leading me further into my walk and relationship with him. Honestly I am scared. What if I let Him down? What if my husband doesn’t follow me in a relationship with Jesus? What if, what if, what if? I think the part that scares me the most is that my husband isn’t pursuing a relationship with God. He was saved, however has been in the same place since. I pray for him everyday and yes I see small glimmers of change. I also know that I have to be patient and allow God to lead him. I put my trust in Him of my marriage and relationship with my husband. I know he has plans for us. Although a huge huge part of me wants to go on this journey WITH my husband. My heart aches with the knowledge that my relationship with God is leaps and bounds from my husbands.
The farther I go the more I see the work that has to be done on my part. The closer I get with God the more I feel on my own. I’d love to just want to pop a few on the head and say “Hey y’all are missin out on this”. I know that a few of our friends know Him but they don’t “KNOW” Him, ya know what I’m saying? They believe but if they KNEW Him life could be totally different for them.
A part of me knows that I need to focus on my walk and not worry about those around me. I need to let go and let God. When I made my choice to rekindle my relationship with God, I knew I had to be all in and I am. I took this choice seriously. I will continue to grow in my faith and I will get to a place of surrender. This is something that takes time, its not a instant process.
I am perfectly imperfect & currently under construction. I bless y’all that are in the same place as me. Its a crazy whirlwind of a journey and I am loving every moment. I have made a few more faith cards that fit with this topic. Enjoy!
***Faith Cards Click HERE For the PDF or Right Click and Safe the Images***
God Bless Y’all